Pushing against 50….

I am still 49 for a few more days…..I am thinking I must be hard to buy for…If I want something I buy it, I don’t buy alot of stuff because I see no need for alot of stuff…but shoes and clothes I am all over that 🙂  The kids always ask what I need- I need nothing, I am content 😉

Terri has been about to burst for about 4 months about this perfect birthday present her and Travis ordered for me.  Hints….”ordered”  for me at the “shed”..so what things come to mind?  A Hammock?  Yard games?  (I have a great patio table and 6 chairs)…an umbrella?  I mean gosh, I have a lawn mower, a weed eater, sprayers, sweepers, rakes….maybe a blooming tree?

So I was to meet her tonight, when I got off work, at the shed.  I called her, she didn’t answer, I called her again…she didn’t answer.  I called Jeff and told him I was to meet Terri at the shed because she wanted me to “see” my birthday present because she needed to explain it…Jeff was clueless.  So I pulled into the driveway of the shed…OMG…The absolute perfect gift was “delivered” to the shed.  Yep I am uncertain as to how impressed that neighbors Dave & Shirley are with the view…but I am pumped!

What is the absolute perfect gift for me for the summer at the shed??  A Port A Potty!! and to think I was all excited last fall thinking heck yes- the farmer that farms behind our shed was on the corn rotation this year 😉 So no trips to town, and no trips into the corn…I now have a DELUXE fancy porta potty for the summer.

Maybe not the perfect gift for everyone…but I am not everyone..I am me and it is perfect!!

Change of plans…….

Just ready to go to moms and she called me.  All appointments for the day are cancelled.  So high ho high ho off to work I go.  No news is good news….my mind can rest.  So high heels and dress slacks are on.

Makes you wonder what the hell is going on in radiology…….

Thursday AM Thoughts……

What would you do if you caught your child participating in a riot?  Now isn’t that the question of the day?  Soooo glad I live in SD.  First off- if there was a riot, I would not be near it unless it was on the street in front of our house….and even then- is property more important than my life? No… So chances are I would never “catch” my child doing this- because I would be no where near it in order to “catch” them.

Instead of rioting, picketing, looting, why don’t they exude peace and helpfulness to others instead of being self rightous idiots?  No, it is pack mentality and worrying whether you are cool or not…after all…nothing says cool like burning buildings.

Wouldn’t they have a stroke if busloads of born and raised midwestern people showed up in Baltimore?  Streets would be swept, window’s washed, meals served….and we know someone would always be riding “shotgun” to keep the peace and explain why laws are in place.  When laws are broke, they are broke.  In today’s society, a law is only broke if you get caught.  Scary….

Then you think of Nepal….thousands of people on the streets there as well, but they are working so hard to find and save people in the rubble…………..amazing what a few thousand miles difference makes….I think I need to quit watching the news until they come up with a “all good news” channel 😉  Show me happy nice people with a good story.

I was in the Sanford waiting room one day and there was a very tall gentleman there for radiation.  There was a nosy person there as well.  I quietly did my word puzzle and eavesdropped.  The nosy lady asked him where he was from- he replied Florida.  He got a scholarship for basketball in 1975 and after he graduated he stayed.  Her response was “why would you stay in South Dakota?” she was in disbelief.  Turns out that SHE has been a lifelong resident of SD and should very well know why we stay in SD.  But in any case, she didn’t give up, the guy was slightly annoyed…..

The midwest, with it’s small communities is a great place to live.  We get the change of seasons, winter always give us hope and daydreams of spring…summer is as hot and humid as Florida and makes us sigh for those cool days of fall with its brilliant colors and geese flying south.  Winter comes and covers up the ugly brown with a fresh white blanket of snow….and the people..sometimes you love them, sometimes you are like hmffffff, but no matter what, when the chips are down, they have your back.   So Yes, I am from SD and Yes I do not want to move….however a January break to a warm climate isn’t out of the question 🙂

Well, enough random thoughts for the day.  Time to get back into my world and hope that the day brings tolerable news.  I always have hope, but have learned to set my bar low during this journey.  That way good news is a like a breath of fresh air and bad news doesn’t crash you mentally.  So I will keep doing the “hope for the best, but plan for the worst” mantra…Today I will only look at one hour at a time and be the best I can be.   If you can’t control what is going on…you HAVE to control the way you view it.

Coasting……

We were going to coast for a while….but Sanford called and tomorrow is blood work, brain scan and Dr. appointment.  I know it sounds bad, but I was hoping for NO news for a while.  But I have to say…it is good we get doses of news in little bits.  So climb on the roller coaster and we will wonder until our meeting with the Dr., is it back there too?

So Big Girl Panties on tomorrow, My Justin boots, and A Game.  Oh and of course mom! Then we will be set for what ever the day decides to throw at us.

The morning before last I was headed to work.  The sun was just coming up.  I was headed north.  I had passed the Worthing corner on 115, about a 1/2 mile up there is a row of large trees in the fence line.  Well the trees always look so cool against the sun that I have to look…..

Guess what was sitting in one of the big trees?  Hawk? Nope..Eagle? Nope….ok. here is where it gets a tad twisted..I did a double take…drove a mile and thought no…I must be seeing things..You know, stress…all that jazz.  But no..I saw a great big Canadian Goose roosting in that tree.  I have never in my entire life seen a goose roosting in a tree.  So I thought about it a while…perhaps they nested nearby and there was a predator and that tree was close so that it would be safe and yet be able to see the nest?  Oh so many thoughts on that one….funniest thought was me thinking OH MY…I have lost my marbles!!  Took me until the Harrisburg corner to convince myself I was ok…..it wasn’t like it was a dancing pink elephant- it was only a goose 🙂

When we were at the shed Sunday afternoon we got to see the black squirrel again.  Travis and Kelsey got to see it for the first time- they thought it was cool.  It is getting a reddish tinge to it -from the sun I would imagine.  It was not the black as black could be fur that we saw this winter.  But it was cool to see it again.

Who is in the mirror?

Why by gosh that is me!  I got my hair cut and colored last night.  It feels perky.  It was way past time to get it done.  It was long with crappy ends.  It is about 4 -5 inches shorter and refreshed.

Went to mom’s after that so about 8.  She had a restful day and Terri ate supper with her and visited with her.

I went home and headed to bed about an hour later.  Jeff woke me up and said my mom was on the phone.  My cell is officially by our bed from now on.  Her oxygen machine wouldn’t operate properly.  I checked the filter, the hose, the plug in, called the 24 hour number on the card they gave us.  They had me unplug the hose, nope…so I did everything but click my heels three times and turn in a circle 🙂 So Sanford Home Healthcare Products sent a gentleman named Dan to us with a new machine from Sioux Falls.  We were up and running in about an hour and 1/2.

It was almost 10 when he was dispatched.  I turned on the outside lights at moms so he could find the house easier.  God bless Hilma- she called within 10 minutes of the outside light coming on and said oh good you are there- when I answered the phone.  She said I was worried when I saw that Carolyn’s light was on and the front door was open.  I thanked her for calling and explained the circumstance and told her I should have called her.  I told her what I had tried and that Sanford would be here with a different machine. Hilma and Lawrence live directly across the street from mom, they have nuances and signals- every morning, blinds are opened- if they are not opened- something is wrong.  If the outside light is on at night, something is up..  simple things that give me peace of mind and I have received phone calls from Hilma when the blinds aren’t opened and that was prior to her illness.  I am thankful for her watchfulness.  Mom is blessed with the best neighbors!

I am so thankful for everyone that looks out for mom.  Mom has some incredible friends and neighbors- they do it for her- I hope they know what a huge impact that they have made on ME-I am blessed through her friendships.

Mom has been feeling pretty good.  Chemo knocks the wind out of your sails, but she is much better than she was a week ago.  The brain scan has still not been rescheduled so I wonder what is up with that.  Dr. Nowak has been out of the office.  Which given the length of time, I find it odd…I hope all is well with him.

Feel free to stop in for a visit.  Her hearing is a bit tough- so speak loud.  But she is mobile and likes to visit.

Shorter posts……

Ha! ha! I posted a short post this morning…because my friends- I elected to take an extra hour’s rest this morning.  I usually get up very early and browse facebook, make my posts and get ready in leisure.  To most people, sleeping in by an hour would put them rushed and late…But “when you get up in the middle of the night” as Jeff puts it..an hour isn’t much to lose of daylight, and it gave me an hour of much needed rest.

Work was good today.  I surveyed my desk and thought with confidence – that I will be able to work here until I am 80 🙂 because it will take a while to get the work flow flowing again.  By 5 pm I had made it through emails up to noon on last Friday.  So by God- 70 some more and I will be caught up! …on emails.  My co workers handled all the pertinent -do it now- things…which my days are full of, so I am very thankful for all they did.  But my mind set, when I took this position, was that I would not become overwhelmed nor stressed by work.  So I do the very best I can everyday and accept that I can not get it all completed and hit it again the next day.

Mom was doing well tonight.  She was tired, but good.  Her “farm neighbor” lady Irma stopped over and brought her some bars.  Shonette stopped in this evening and visited for a bit-she is always a ray of sunshine!  I have to get into the swing of meal planning again.  Mom ate two pieces of leftover pizza for supper tonight.  I cooked up some bacon for her to use in her breakfast omelet in the morning.  So we got a handle on breakfast, lunch and supper for tomorrow.

As of this minute, the brain scan has not been rescheduled, but they will call tomorrow and let us know when.  So I will take her to that because she needs to take her “I don’t give a damn pills” to get through that one.  I think pretty soon the Drs. at Sanford will just write the one day script that says “I don’t give a damn” pills 😉 and the pharmacist will know EXACTLY what they mean:)

Great weekend

Mark, Charlene, Jacob and Alice came for the weekend.  Mom enjoyed their visit.  They headed back to Rapid yesterday.

Mom and I went to the shed and enjoyed a few hours out there yesterday.  She is doing well.  She was exhausted so I took her home around 3 ish.

The chemo seems to be working and I will go to work today.  She has her last treatment today of this “round” then she is off until May 18 for the next round.  We have appointments May 14th.

She sure tolerates the chemo well.  She gets frustrated with the chemo brain…it messes with your words.

Durable goods…

That is my thoughts going into today.  At times, I think people should be called durable goods.  Just because they are so very durable and most, are good.

You think of the trials that people around you experience and you see their true spirit.  No matter what rocks their world, the majority of them bounce back and continue on.  I think that is the huge part.  It is the spirit, it is the acknowledging of- yes this rocked me- them- whoever, but yet somehow a person gets through it.

Mom is doing well, she has leveled out.  She seems stronger than she did a week ago.  She is feeling better than she did a week ago so that is GREAT news!  Durable goods!

Chemo is going well for mom.  She is getting a bit of a chemo brain- that stuff messes with your thought gathering, but that will come back in between rounds of chemo.  She has not been sick or nauseous and has been eating well.  She is still fun and bright and mobile.

They say chemo makes you tired, well the steroids they give along with seem to have given her a bit more energy than she has been experiencing. We will head to the out patient at Sanford today for her 4th day in a row of treatment.  It was a pleasant surprise yesterday- they told her to order breakfast from the menu.  She chose a three egg omelet with bacon, sausage and cheese, hash browns and it came with a muffin type thing and toast.  She ate about 3/4 of it and she ate like she was hungry.  So that was great.

I took time yesterday for mowing therapy and laundry.  You know it is laundry time when you put on your cleanest pair of dirty jeans and your very least favorite pair of emergency underwear 😉  If you haven’t experienced it…well, you have enough hours in your day then!  It felt good doing my normal things. Jeff had done up a lot of his clothes- but I like to do my own- I have a lot of delicates and clothes that do not go in the dryer.

We will see what today brings, but as of right now, I think I will go to work tomorrow.  We have an appointment again next week, but am a tad uncertain as to when…they haven’t officially rescheduled the brain scan yet.  So if you are in her neighborhood, please drop by and say hi to her.

Travis or Dort will take her to her last treatment of this round tomorrow.  So her day will be busy tomorrow.

I stayed up as late as I could last night hoping to sleep like a rock….well that didn’t work.  I had the oddest dreams, in my dreams-I made a few amends with a person that I had written off years and years ago, so I woke with a sense of peace…confused 😉 but at peace.  Probably God’s way of saying that this has weighed on my mind for too long.  Addictions turn people into strangers…..I doubt I will carry out the amends in the dream….because that person was actually working at a job in my dream.  But hey-miracles happen!

I just now looked at the clock and thought- I need to get moving, I need to make lunches….did I make Jeff lunch yesterday?  I couldn’t remember doing so…DUH..yesterday was Saturday and today is Sunday….maybe I am the one with chemo brain 😉

Happy Sunday!

What day is it?? no really ;)

I wrote a check today….clueless as to the date.  So I made one up 🙂  This week has been a blur.  Mom says see? this is how busy you are at retirement…OMG…I think I will remain working for a very long time 🙂

I will say that the highlights were visiting with so many people, through out the days.  Mom had two good trips of chemo and the steroids gave her a good lift too.  So today was an excellent day.  Mark, Charlene, Jacob and Alice came late in the day.  They will stay tomorrow and head back sometime on Sunday.  Jacob and Alice are cuter than ever.

Tomorrow we go as an outpatient to Sanford for Chemo which will be number 3 of 5- haven’t seen that part of the hospital yet so it should be an adventure.  Note to anyone that uses the courtesy wheel chairs at Sanford, get the ones with the black wheels and no chrome- they are the newest and best!! Lessons learned so figured I would pass it on!

I headed to the shed for a bit tonight.  For a brief date night with Jeff.  He replaced the belt on my hydrostatic drive 😉  Yes we were both on the floor, lots of tugging and grunting………….but by God we got that mower deck back under my mower and it all worked great…Sheesh…What did you think I was talking about?? It was a great date. Maybe not everyones great date night…..but it truly is mine.

When I got home, the cat cuddled with me until she was done cuddling…cats are like that.  I DVR’d Elementary…but pretty sure I am going to head to bed and will try to watch it another time.  Sucks, I got to about the same part where I dozed off watching it last night….and I enjoy that show.  I like the way that the character Holmes thinks and articulates his thoughts.

Lawn mowing neighbors!

Hilma and Lawrence mowed mom’s yard today while we were in Sioux Falls.  Hilma said that their mower quit just after doing the trimming in the back yard.  Well a mystery person came and finished it.  So thank you Hilma and Lawrence and the mystery person.  The yard looks very nice.

For anyone thinking we are lazy for not mowing…mom’s dear neighbors said they would mow her lawn, we do ours, the house next door, the acre and 1/2 by the shed and the farm.  So although you do not see us mowing moms yard- we are, but a much much larger one!

Chemo went well today.  We had to kill time before our next appointment so we went to Costco and got mom more of the chocolate protein drink.  It has 30 grams of protein and it is important to have high protein during chemo.

We ate at Camiles and mom ate 1/2 of a italian roast beef panini – which was good.  We went to the pallative care meeting and it was informative.  I feel that I have my ducks in a row no matter what may come.  We are hopeful that we can push it to our back of our mind and not worry about it for a while.  I found it interesting.  The Dr.  reminded me so much of Leah Peterson, her look, her mannerisms, it was the first de ja vu feeling I had today.

The second feeling of de ja vu was pulling up to Haisches to get immodium and also Senna.  (This chemo can go either way) and put the car in park…just like I did last August on mom’s first day of treatment, to buy similar products…and my phone rang….just like last time….and it was Lisa…same as last time.  WOW!  The conversation was very much the same too…….I think that we grew up together for a reason- paused our friendship to raise families- and cancer brought us back to that bond again- first me entertaining her with daily emails through her journey and now her support to me with my mom- emails, calls, and texts…and they always show up just when I need to see them.  Life works that way.

We left Sioux Falls finally around 4 ish…mom was perky and had not used oxygen all day and was still doing well so I suggested that we swing by Helen’s.  Helen was very happy to see us and we were very happy to see her.  So we had a nice little visit, it was a short visit, but beneficial to both of them.

We ran into a couple of Cantonites at the cancer center, but thankfully they were just there to only get a checkup.  I like running into people under those circumstances!!

Mom is doing well.  A tad unsteady on her feet, but over all good.  Tomorrow will be a shorter day- we should be back in town before noon.

Yes, she is up to having visitors, do not be afraid to stop by, she is herself.  By the way- when she is at home, she doesn’t wear her hat or wig- so don’t be surprised to see her bald.  I am so used to it, it almost startles me when she puts her wig on 😉  She ran out of hair in August.  I told her I had to get my hair cut….it is getting gray (meaning I need a color) and she says so getting a hair cut gets rid of gray?  I said yes- look at you, you do not have one gray hair on your head 🙂 We tend to give each other crap.

Although this battle is not fun, the people that have reached out and stopped by, certainly have been fun!  So come with a good story, a little bit of gossip and what is going on around town and brighten her day with your presence and upbeat attitudes!

I am so thankful for Jeff- as the movie “Message in the Bottle” refers to…he is my true North.  He keeps the normalcy in my life and the incredible support that I need when I am home.  He is one of a kind and I am so lucky!!